Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
