After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
