We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
