I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
