happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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