I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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