The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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