Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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