My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
