so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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