i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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