Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
