I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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