This girl is more easily done than said...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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