I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
