The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
