Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize