btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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