my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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