Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
