Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
