; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
