That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
