I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
