So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
