He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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