Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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