oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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