I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
