I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
