I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
