I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
