I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
