she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
