Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think your dad took our porno
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
