i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
