I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
