Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
