This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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