I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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