i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
