Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize