erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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