craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We don't watch enough power rangers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
