I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
