Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
