I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
