thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
