Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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