yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize