I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
