I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
