I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
