so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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