it was like his penis was on wheels.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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