So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
