Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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