Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
