I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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