if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
