is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
