You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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