just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
