I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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