God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
