hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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